Well, it certainly has been a while since I posted here. I
feel like I lost my way a little. I see why teachers forget why they became
teachers; why they forget their purpose. It’s so easy to get caught up in the
standards, the plan, the grades, the tests…
When we are asked to plan a unit in Practicum, we plan it
with all the excitement and creativity we have inside of us. Someday we will
use this in a classroom. We will joyfully teach these fun lessons, all while
reading a book, and go home at the end of the day to catch up on Netflix. It’s
as if we expect time to stand still so we can fit it all in. Then came student
teaching…
It’s reality, really.
The students are not always as cooperative as you thought they would be
when you built your “fake class.” You thought they would embrace your fresh,
new ideas, and fun lessons. It’s like
you hit a wall: they hate the book, they come to class late, and now hate you
because you must enforce some punishment that is not consistent in the school.
Suddenly your voice is a small squeak in a mass of booming teenage vocals. “You
must find your teacher voice,” you are told. Where is it? How do I find it,
when I didn’t know I lost it, or ever had it for that matter?
You begin to realize that many of those great lessons you
had planned are not going to fit into the allotted time. Oh, and let’s not
forget all those grades you need to add in. You didn’t factor the need for so
many. Also, the class time you’re given is practically cut in half because of
all the times you must stop and wait for everyone to stop talking.
I realize that I sound completely pessimistic right now and
my readers may be wondering if I still want to pursue this profession. Hell
yeah! Despite all of this, I still believe in what I do. I am not a quitter. I
accept the challenge and will do my best to improve. Not all students are these
students. I have classes that are amazing and teach me as much as I teach them.
I cannot let a handful of students get to me and change my perspective. So, I need to rework my lessons. Big deal, I
couldn’t do ALL the fun ones. I will teach them, they will learn, and we will
get through this together, whether they know it or not.
This weekend I attended the RI Writing Project’s Spring
conference. Although the day did not reflect Spring at all, what happened
inside that building was an absolute representation of Spring. It was a
refreshing, renewing experience. I remembered why I teach and most importantly
why I write. I remembered why I have my students write. Somewhere in these past
couple of months I lost my way and forgot that we don’t write for the grade. We
write to express ourselves when speaking just doesn’t do it. This is how it is
for me anyway. I can’t always articulate myself into words but I can always
express myself in my writing.
I have two of my three classes doing Dialectical Journals. I
must say this is the best thing I ever did. One of my classes, who doesn’t
speak, speaks volumes in their writing. I love to see their thoughts as they
are processing a quote from the text, or their horror when something unexpected
happens. Even better, I love to see when
they connect to something I taught them in class or a real world experience.
This is what makes it worthwhile. This is why we write, because even if we
can’t speak, our voice can still be heard.
